Christmas past....

Over the weekend we had a great time at Kim and Lenny's. It was a lot of great conversations and I had a great time meeting a new person and chatting with cousins and the rest of our family. It was really fun to have great laughs and poke fun at one another. Hold on... one second.... never mind... I thought I heard wedding bells.

The rest of our weekend was quiet as far as traveling except for one trip I made to Aunt Margie's home on Christmas morning. I wanted to stop in as I knew it was her first Christmas without Uncle Sonny. One thing I learned was Uncle Sonny's ashes are buried on the same road that I live on in Allentown, NJ. Province Line Road....... This is a good thing.

This weekend was also filled with demolition and some framing as the next room in the house is ready for sheet rock. I am getting excited as I see the possibility of TV in my future. It is looking like we might get TV within the next few years. It would be nice to have it by the Daytona 500 so Nadia can watch it with me.

Nadia actually began to spit up quite a bit this week but it is nothing to worry about. She is eating a lot and weighed in at 4 lbs 13 ounces yesterday. That is basically triple her birth weight of 1 lb 10 ounces and certainly over triple her lowest weight of 678 grams. She also has some phlegm build up but that is apparently normal as well.

I think Tash and I are really starting to learn the line over when to ring the red phone at the White House in regards to what appear to us as Nadia's ailments. As we move along the process of parenting many things which alarm us tend to be normal baby stuff. A lot of what we perceive as ailments are not really ailments at all. Of course we are erring on the side of caution as Надежда is a preemie.

Lastly, on the 25th before I left for my aunt's home I put Nadia down on her boppy next to Tash on our bed and Tash then proceeded to fall a sleep. And then I snapped this pic... Life is awesome....

First bath....

We received the all clear on giving Nadia a real bath yesterday and she enjoyed it thoroughly.... NOT.... actually she did cop a smile for a few seconds and even more so when it was done.

I do not know about any other fathers out there but as a former wrestler and person who breaks things by accident these types of situations stress me out. I am scared to death during situations where she squirms and wiggles trying to escape my grasp.

The fact is I feel worn out after baths or diaper changes because I get nervous. The feeling, I would assume is the same feeling a bomb expert gets when they diffuse a bomb without protection. Fortunately I have no way to verify this and I do not plan on proving this theory true outside of my own mind. Actually, I do that with a lot of my theories so this is no different.

I am enjoying every moment, messy diapers and all. I would love more sleep (actually sleeping more now than I was 2 months ago anyway) but there is nothing better than feeding Nadia in the middle of the night while Tash is able to rest. Just Nadia and myself and complete silence except for Nadia's squeaking and grunting, and the occasional question I ask her. Those times might be the most peaceful moments my life has ever seen.

Year in review..... our E-letter for the end of the year.

I guess to sum up our year in one word, the word would be family. Our friends and family have not been leaned on by me this much in about 15 years or there about. The love, help, and support from our family has been amazing. Tash's several bouts with C-diff and colitis took a toll on us and during her pregnancy things became even more worrisome.

We were humbled by the love giving to us.

We did actually move and the process of moving went on from April-August when our lease was up. Natasha's parents purchased a house on 21 acres of farmland and with our child on the way and Tash needing a place to relax and heal the move was a no brainer.

Although it was a quiet year for travel it was a loud year for what would appear to be drama. Tash's condition flared up and she had a rough year but she persevered and made it through. Although it was a trying time Tash was very confident it would be OK and everything would turn around. I am happy to say she was right as things have turned around. Tash is healing and we are extremely happy about that.

Nadia was due today December 20th! Let the adjusted age begin!!!!

It was weird seeing yesterday's reminder pop up in my iCal but as most of you know she decided to rough mom up a bit and come early. 10/9/11 - Nadezhda Kitovna Gosselin decided to arrive on John Lennon’s birthday.

Natasha has been working on and off at Kisan in NYC doing PR and some sales when they need her help. I am still working in East Brunswick at a mailing and fulfillment firm and things have been really good for me at work which I am always thankful for.

I also graduated with my bachelor’s degree earlier this year… Summa Cum Laude, mind you ;) Shockingly I love to brag about it less than I usually like to boast about things. I also started my Masters of Social Work at Rutgers. I braced myself to be humble as I assumed I might not get the grades I am used to being that the program is much more difficult but after a lot of hard work, several papers, several exams, several presentations, speaking assignments, and various class discussions my ego has thankfully remained intact.

The last two major events that happened have brought additional tears to my eyes at certain times. First, when I received a call on Sunday October 9th at 7:00am from Tash telling me I needed to get to the hospital I got dressed in a about two seconds and was out the door. Weird…. I thought I could type this without reliving the tears but I guess not. I drove calmly to the hospital which was about 1 hour away and arrived in plenty of time.

I get to Tash’s room and she mentioned that her blood pressure has gone up and they are trying to get it back down. The nurse walks in and tells her “no talking, no lights, no TV, deep and slow breaths.” I sit there silently wondering what is going on and Tash says, “I need to you leave the room.” I think she said something about I was annoying but I could be wrong as I was just sitting there silently (albeit ready to freak out and I am sure she sensed it). So I go to the waiting room where men go when their wives ask them to leave the room and I got to see a grandpa interact with his blonde 2 year old granddaughter for about 10 minutes.

After 10 minutes a nurse comes in and says, “Mr. Gosselin?” My heart rate jumped and she asked me to follow her to the room again. As I entered the room it was obvious that poker was up. There were several people in the room and all were calmly doing their jobs. I was freaking out inside and tearing up here and there when I could not hold it. In walked Dr. Wallace. He was stoic and in complete control. He pulled his glasses out of his pocket put them on looked at the meters and then looked to me and said, “It’s time.”

I was scared to death. It was too early and I had no idea what technology was available for babies born this early. I read and read things but nothing was helping me overcome the percentage of death that I had read about. For those with preemies I am sure you know what I mean as each day that the baby stays in the womb the percentages for survival go up dramatically. Reading it was not the best way to spend time when your baby is coming but I coped the best way I could. Besides how else could I over analyze the issue if I did not read every single page on the web about it.

A nurse walked up to me handed me a package with scrubs and said you need to put these on. As I am putting the scrubs on I realized I had two different shoes on. It was a good laugh but in my defense the shoes were very similar and I was in a rush. At that point they contained Tash’s blood pressure with a lot of medicine and to the operating room we went. Minutes later after a little of what Tash kept referring to as "chop-chop" they pulled Nadia out and showed her to us briefly. The doctor was not a huge fan of the "chop-chop" but Tash and I thought it was funny. The next two months will not be talked about in this blog post but they will be in person if you stop by for some dinner at the farm next year.

Our family suffered a few losses this year. We lost Uncle Jean and Uncle Sonny. Uncle Jean will always hold a special place in my heart as he was a man who was very genuine when it came to listening to me. The last time I saw him at Aunt Margie’s he was great to speak with him as he always was and I will miss his sense of humor and heavy accent!

Finally, I want to honor Uncle Sonny. We lost my godfather and uncle this year. Uncle Sonny was a husband, father, grandfather, brother, friend and great man. I had the honor and pleasure to share some memories and jokes about his life and sense of humor at his funeral. His sense of humor was second to none and he made everyone laugh. His heart was the biggest of any person I have ever known. He wore his emotions on his sleeve and he was proud to show his love. I miss him dearly. If I could have one wish more for this year it would be to see him embrace Nadia.

We are looking forward to seeing many of you on Christmas Eve at K&Ls sans Nadia as she is too young to be around big crowds.

May all of you have a wonderful and prosperous 2012 filled with joy, love, and laughter!

Love,

Keith, Natasha, and..... Nadezhda!!!

Back to the grind..... the less important grind anyway.

Tash went back to work today for the first time since September.

I am sure she is excited as she works with great people.

Baba Nina and Baba Lena are in charge of Nadia today until I get home around 6 and at that point I take over. Not sure what I am going to do but I hope she is due to eat at that time as I have not fed her since she was in the hospital.

I am very much looking forward to spending time with family this year. It has been a trying year for everyone in our family. I hope everyone's year has turned around as our year has.

Stay tuned for my end of the year update in a nutshell as that will serve as our year end letter.

She's coming home today!

Nuff said....

Projectile action....

Well, last night was a great night for Nadia. She continues to eat and grow strong and be stubborn about her burping. She decided that she was not going to burp until she was starting to be fed again and she then proceeded to spew a bit of formula towards me. Tash was protected with a blanket on her and the boppy. Luckily for me Nadia does not have the distance yet. I will certainly be ready for it and I welcome it.

She weighed 1,750 grams yesterday and I continue to screw up entries in her calendar. Luckily for me, Tash is a great artist and she can also cover up most of my entries that go awry.

Nadia is going to be getting he immunizations over the weekend. Which reminds me that I need to get a flu shot before she comes home as well. One of her nurses Trish, thinks that next week is likely the week she will be coming home. It is amazing how two months has gone by since she was born but we are both ready to begin our part of the parenting job.

Speaking of Trish... Nadia was sniffling yesterday and after several attempts with a bulb and one last saline bullet Nadia sent a rather large booger (although this one had some speed so it would probably be classified as a snot rocket) out of her nose. I know it is disgusting but many disgusting things are going to be happening over the next several months.

We are looking forward to the shower this weekend and moving out of the Ronald McDonald house tomorrow. It is going to be a lot of fun at Doreen's I am sure. Karel and Doreen have done wonders in getting the shower up and running with the little amount of time they had to work with. I (and I am sure Tash is) am very grateful for their actions and happy they are a part of our lives.

8 bottles and a bath...

Well, the doctors decided to switch Nadia to 8 bottles a day. They removed her feeding tube due to her now being fed all her meals by bottle. She is continuing to grow and weighed in at 1.685 kilos yesterday.

Natasha gave her a bath yesterday for the first time and she was not happy about it. Remind me to show you the video when we see each other. Many nurses have spoke about premie babies losing some of the things they could do before they reached their full term point. I think that Nadia using her legs to push her self up out of the bath tab might be one of them.

I spoke with someone the other day who I had not heard from in a while. She mentioned that I would now see a whole other level of love as a parent. I concur.

A second update in one day because it is a big one....

Nadia has been moved to a crib. She is wrapped up like a burrito in a crib and she is now receiving all of her food by bottle. 8 bottles a day and no more feeding tube.... That is exciting so I figured I would post it here.

Великая Бабушка Нина

Nadia's great grandmother Nina arrived on Saturday and she visited with Nadia for the first time. Nina is Natasha's grandmother and she lives in Moscow. She will be in town for about three months and we look forward to having her around for Nadia's first few months at home.

Nadia weighed in at a whopping 1,676 grams yesterday. Rumors are beginning to circulate more frequently that she is coming home soon. I am still using her due date of December 20th as my date and will continue to do so until I am told what day we are taking her home by the doctor making the decision.

Natasha is continuing to improve and the Remicade continues to help. It has been a great few weeks and we are very thankful and believe she will continue to improve. She is gaining much of her strength and energy back as each day goes by.

I look forward to winding down the year and having a few weeks off from school. I was going to take a winter course but I decided it is best to have no distractions for Nadia's first few weeks at home.

An odd and proud moment... at least for me.... I had a piece of cartilage or cyst cut out of my ear last week (after scheduling and canceling appointments for years) and the doctor seemed to be amazed by what I am accomplishing at my age and circumstances. I was proud that a plastic surgeon seemed amazed by my story and impressed by the MSW I am obtaining. He spoke of the MSW and my actions as if they were gold. So I got that going for me. It was a very proud moment for me and I hope the good of my examples one day reflect on my daughter's life.

Hernia or not?

A second doctor saw Nadia yesterday and said they did not see anything. Moving on to Dr. Cohen who is a specialist and we are hoping he will take a look at Nadia today.

She is mowing down bottles now. Nine days ago they started her at one bottle and it is now three a day. Nadia is throwing them back with ease so we think they will keep increasing them fairly quickly with the goal being eight per day.

Tash is improving day by day and she is planning her return to work next week. It is exciting as she loves her job and the people she works with. They are great people to be around.

I have to write a five page outline for a paper tonight. The problem is I am struggling to decide on a topic. I have written papers on prematurity, gay rights, and my own ethnic background this semester. I have one last paper and I need to write about a social problem. For example, slavery, poverty, wealth discrepancy, etc... Tash suggested illegal immigration which is intriguing and very broad.

Although many people believe illegal immigrants use many of our social programs and I think that is what I am going to write about. I want to find out the truth about illegal immigrants and if they really use social programs and if so how they do this.

The truth will be told tonight as I have to put this outline together and hand it in tomorrow.

Hernia but it doesn't hurt.....

We found out that Nadia has a hernia today and the doctor would prefer to fix it before she is released. The doctor said the baby has no pain and that it is a quick procedure.

Good news is they found it before it caused any pain.

Two bottles better than one.....

Wow.... I stained our mahogany dresser this weekend and put on two coats of clear coat. It was a project that we had undertaken a while back. We sanded the dresser a long time ago and crunch time for the preparation of Nadia's homecoming has pushed all projects to the forefront.

I also patched all the nail holes for the molding and caulked the gaps. Now I just need to spend one hour with some touch up painting and our room is complete!!!!

We also assembled a crib but we were missing the L-brackets that hold the dangerous drop side . Thanks to Doreen and Rich for the beautiful crib and all the love you are sending our way as well! Rich located the brackets for the crib and Tash and Doreen will coordinate the transfer of them shortly.

For those that are interested, Tash is registered at myregistry.com. We are also going to have a meet the baby party next year sometime. Any help you wish to provide is greatly appreciated. And she has a shower on December 10th. Let me know if you are interested in that as well and I can have the information sent to you.

Nadia weighed in at 1,457 grams yesterday. She is now double her birth weight of 727 grams. She is now being fed by bottle twice per day and I am pretty sure that is going to rapidly increase as she is mowing through bottles with relative ease now. Tash has fed her by bottle on a few occasions now but I have yet to undergo this task. I look forward to it soon.

Busy week ahead as I have school and I am also in the city on Friday for some business. International business mind you as I am meeting with a potential new client who is flying in from the UK on Thursday. Very exciting indeed.

Thankful.... yes, I would agree with that...

Well, I was very bitter for most of this year or at least when it came to not being to help my wife.

However, what has happened has made more thankful and stronger than I ever have been. First off, medical science is amazing. I am in great gratitude to the nurses and doctors who have worked with my wife and my daughter to enable them to become and stay healthy. Second, Patrick Bouvier Kennedy needs to be thanked because without his death after two days of being born it is likely that awareness and research regarding premature babies would not have advanced as far as it has in my opinion.

I hate not having our daughter home but know it is just a matter of weighting. Corny pun completely intended. I am very thankful she is healthy and continues to grow. I promise as a future social worker that I will not give her princess syndrome and I am thankful for learning about that.

Beside being thankful for Tash and Nadezhda my family has really supported me and us during this year. The Bodamers, Thatchers, Steenlands, Gabriels and Panebeancos have supported us greatly and I am extremely thankful for having all of you in our lives.

Tomorrow we will be relaxing with my in-laws at our home in North Hanover (the farm). We have a turkey ready to go and a lot of other foods to enjoy as well. I would never be able to express my gratitude enough towards my in-laws for their support and help. Having someone there whenever you need them is a great stress reliever. Without their support I might be in a mental hospital.

I am thankful to the men who I rely on in my life as a channel for support when I need to vent or talk. Dennis, Jesse, UJ, John, DeCarlo, Ezeev.... the list goes on and on as I have conversations with men I have known for many years.

Lastly, I am thankful to myself for getting a bachelor's degree this year and beginning my masters. For my acceptance to their MSW program I am thankful to Rutgers for recognizing my greatness and potential as a future social worker. School excites and inspires me and I love attending Rutgers and discussing the issues of society with my classmates.

I am always questioned about which holidays I celebrate which I politely decline to answer in most situations when I am sober. What I do believe in is humanity and the closeness of family during this time of year. I enjoy seeing my family and friends and I enjoy it even more with some wine.

Family is an important treasure that many take for granted or even shun. It is our family that molds our values and beliefs. I am thankful to my family for helping me throughout my times of need and I only hope that I have been supportive in their times of need.

One down one to go.....

Tash is leaving the hospital today! She has improved greatly with the drug she is taking and we are hopeful her condition will continue to improve. She found out this morning she is being released this afternoon after being the in the hospital for over two weeks.

Nadia was fed by bottle for the first time yesterday and they are going to continue bottle feeding once a day and increase it when they can. She weighed 1,288 grams yesterday night and there are some rumors about when she is coming home. However, I will leave those rumors alone and just wait until she is in our car and we bring her home for the first time.

We are really looking forward to a quiet holiday this week. I am picking up our turkey tonight and going to finish up the floor molding in our room tonight. Then we just need to install the radiator for heat and move all of the furniture into the room as we we will be done with the room for now. I am looking forward to sleeping in our bed for the first time in a very long time.

A boost and visitors....

Nadia weighed 1,142 grams yesterday and she continues to grow. She has now moved to "special Status." Not exactly sure what that means but she now has a pediatricians and is no longer in need of the neonatologist.

They want her to grow at about 200 grams per week so they have increased her fat intake with her meals.

She is healthy and just needs to grow. And regulate her own body temperature which she will do once she is a certain weight. We are hoping to bottle feed her in a few weeks or about 300 grams.

Tash has had some improvement and we are hopeful that she continues to improve and become healthier.

Nadia and Tash had a whopping four visitors yesterday as Aunt Margie, Aletia, UJ, and Karel all came for a visit to meet Nadia for the first time.

Off to school tonight and then off for a week. However, my one professor assigned a 5 page outline for a final project and that is due the week after T-day.

I am not exactly sure what we are doing for the holiday next week but it will be at home. Hopefully, Tash will be feeling well enough to celebrate a little.

The weekend....

Nadia closed out the week with her highest weight gain in the span of a week yet. She gained 170 grams since last Sunday. She continues to grow and cry and we are thankful for that.

Tash is going for a procedure today and we are hopeful that she will start a regimen of Remicade this week. Of course we are also hope that the new medicine will work and give her some relief.

Living in the Ronald McDonald house has brought many things to light for me. One, it seems many people go through some pretty rough stuff so it is comforting to know we are not alone. Two, I met a man yesterday who has Crohn's Disease and his last child also was in the NICU for 11 weeks as their child was born 12 weeks early. He was in the hospital every two months with flare ups and he had one when his child was in the NICU.

Later in the day I wound up speaking with his wife and she said it got to the point where it was laughable as she would go downstairs to see her husband and then upstairs to see their baby. Just when you think you are alone you meet people who have gone through pretty much exactly what you are going through. I find strength when I can relate to someone as their words tend to mean a lot more to me.

The good news for this man was that his doctor's chose to put him on Remicade two years ago and he has not had a flare up since. We are hopeful that Tash will get the same results.

With that update I need to wrap up my literature review tonight and then write a small 4-6 page paper and possibly do some reading as well.

Oh.... on Friday we had dinner at the hospital as I went to Sawa and picked up some sushi. IT was not the worst place I have ever been but it is the second worst. Kicki's in Matawan is another place to avoid.

Straight is good?

This has been a quiet weekend, as I had to write a literature review. I wound up with 11 pages of literary excellence and I believe I have uncovered one of the major issues in our society regarding the oppression of the gay and lesbian community.

Whether we like it or not our society loves to give us subliminal messages, which mold our way of thinking. Fro example, black is a bad thing or evil and dark and white is good. Finding this hard to beehive? Back in the 1940's there was a doll test and it was repeated recently. African American and Caucasian children were asked to pick which doll was good and they were given a black and white doll to choose from. Most children will choose the white doll when asked to pick the good doll and the black one when asked to pick the evil or bad one. How can innocent children do this? Bad parenting could be one reason but if you choose to really dig deeper you will find a societal machine, which causes children to think this way. It is in the school system, government, and many other areas of our society.

http://www.womanist-musings.com/2008/05/doll-test-white-good-and-black-bad.html

What I came up with in my literature review was the idea of straight being the right way or the norm. Following the straight and narrow path means the way of proper and honest behavior. I do not believe the term straight should have ever become the word to be used to describe heterosexuals. It is a put down of other sexual orientations. Of course most heterosexual people do not have an issue with it because they are not being put down.

Is straight is good and pure does that make being gay or lesbian crooked?

It might seems as if I would be making something out of nothing but there is no greater example of the societal machine than the doll test. Pure innocent children know black is bad and evil and white is good. On softball teams I have played on throughout my years there has always been a lot of busting chops and poking fun at one another. One of the most common knocks is to say a man is gay. It is a put down that most everyone laughs at. The use of the word "fag" or "faggot" is prevalent and it is used to jokingly question a heterosexual man's manhood. There is an assumption with this mindset that gay men do no thane manhood but rather something else.

I wrote an 11 page literary review regarding this, as I believe the education of children is the only thing that can stop this machine from warping our minds. People should be judged on their character, not their color, sexual orientation, or even political beliefs. If children are associating to be gay or lesion is not straight they must believe it is crooked or not right. This causes gay children to have many issues when they grow, as they also believe that they are wrong and evil because they are not the norm. Our system is raising gay and lesbian children to hate oneself and it also causes many to hide their sexual orientation and some even attempt to live a straight life by marrying someone of the opposite sex.

Tying this into my personal life I am learning how I have never cared about any issues unless they directly affected my life. For example, I never cared about supporting places like the Ronald McDonald house or donating to NICU funds until I myself had to rely on them. When something touches us directly it then becomes an issue we address. For example most people without gay or lesbian people in their direct family do not really care about gay and lesbian rights. As society we need to send subliminal messages of sensitivity and let the children learn what is right and wrong by the people they meet and some of our guidance. Our guidance should not include people are wrong because of their skin color or sexual preference. It should teach children how to judge people by their character and I know my daughter will learn those values from me.

End rant and begin update.... Nadia weighed in at 1,056 grams yesterday and I held her for about two hours. We are now just looking for growth and eventually her brain to regulate her body temperature on its own. I am hopeful of bringing her home by December 20th, which is her real due date.

This will be a big week for Tash as she has had some blood work and will undergo some more testing tomorrow. It is likely that she will receive an immunosuppressant this week and we hope this will resolve her colitis.

I am a lonely man right now as my wife and daughter sit in a hospital. I am handling my schoolwork as best I can but cannot remove either of them from my mind.

As a budding social worker there are various areas I can enter in the field of social work and I want to do them all. Eventually I will have to make a decision.

That is it for now, as I need to proof my literary review, do some reading and write a small paper regarding Blumer's five stages on how a problem becomes a social welfare issue.

Patience....

I have none of it.

I want to speed up time or at least the healing of others and I am powerless.

This weekend I am hoping to write one paper to completion and the first draft of another for school. I am also going home tomorrow to finish up some work on our room. Tomorrow is our wedding anniversary and I am looking forward to celebrating that with Tash and Nadia as well.

I am reading all sorts of stories about people giving birth today. Many have scheduled caesarian sections or plan to be induced today. I am not sure you can be more selfish as a parent but hopefully that is the last selfish thing they do on behalf on their children.

Speaking of corny date things, in Russia Nadia's birthday reads 9-10-11, our anniversary is 11-12 and today is 11-11-11. Amazing.

Nadia weighed 1,026 grams yesterday. Many people have complained or joked about they do not know grams. Let me Google that for you. Obtaining a drug habit is also a good way to become familiar with grams but I do not condone that. She is down 6 grams from Wednesday but it needs to be viewed on a week by week basis and each week she is growing. She looked great without the CPAP and she was sleeping or her belly last night. I know she is my daughter but she is adorable and thankfully getting healthier day by day.

CPAP Be Gone!

Nadia's CPAP (respirator) was removed today at 10:00am and she will no long reed it. It was believed by all the nurses who have taken care of her that she was breathing on her own for a long time and the machine was giving her very little assistance. They removed it today and she is doing great as her oxygen level ranges from 98-100%.

Tash had a rough day but she is slowly improving. On Monday they are going to give her an immunosuppressant and we hope that will bring her better results.

This is my second day alone at the RM house. It kills me to leave the hospital each night with my wife and daughter having to stay behind.

I do not have much battery in my Macbook as my charger is in Allentown so I need to keep this short.

Thank you to everyone who is thinking of us.

The title of the blog and an update as well....

Why the blog?

At the advice of my cousin Jen and my personal view of her past experiences when giving updates over and over it seems best to update everyone who wants to know at one time. To be honest it tends to become depressing for lack of a better word to tell the same story again and again when the news is not so great. Ironically it is probably the first time in my life I am not enjoying the center of attention treatment.

I will be sarcastic, honest, funny, stupid, loving, and caring with my updates. I will release however I need to and you will need to learn how to see sarcasm through the internet in order to not be offended (this was sarcastic and it will be the last time I note my sarcasm).

Why the title?

Well.... I am busy. I know everyone is busy and I was busy before Nadezhda was born as well. Commuting to work and then to the hospital each chance I get has made me more busy. The real reason though actually has some meaning. People keep saying I do not know how you are doing what you are doing right now and the reasons are simple. One, I love my wife and daughter and I need to be steady and strong during this time. Having an outlet to write things I need to say will help me accomplish that.

The second reason is I am fairly busy with school, work, driving, and renovating parts of our home at Tash's parents (which is almost done - some floor molding which is cut and ready to nail is all that is left - Thx to Towsha and Teeest).

The third reason is where the title actually comes from and it is a fortune cookie. I presented a discussion on South Asian Americans last night and hit it out of the park as I knew I would. Of course that has nothing to do with the fortune cookie but it happened and I like to boast about all things me. The second presentation in my class last night was about East Asian Americans by some of my classmates. At the end they handed out fortune cookies. It was 8:40pm and I was starving so I decided to eat it. It reminded me of when I used to enjoy the communion wafers when I was starving on Sunday mornings when I was kid. Any way the fortune read "Idleness is a holiday for fools."

There you have it. I hope it comes across as compelling as it did to me.

On to my first update: Nadezhda weighed 978 grams last night and once she hits 1,000 the doctors are likely going to remove her CPAP. The CPAP is the mechanism that helps premature babies breathe when they are not able to by themselves. There seems to be no doubt by the doctors and nurses of Nadezhda being able to breathe on her own but they have some sort of weight limit and they are holding to it. Luckily for us Tash was able to keep her BP down and kept Nadia in her womb almost until week 30. Nadia is much stronger than most premature babies because of Tash's strength and will to hold on. Tash's doctors expected her to deliver much earlier and we were pleasantly surprised to hear how happy they were about how she held on.

Nadia is currently being fed a combination of breast milk and formula as Tash had to stop pumping due to her own medical condition. She is having a rough bout with her colitis but she has and continues to show how strong of a woman she is. She is actually giving us strength at a time where one would think she would be relying on us. She has been in the hospital since Sunday and it sees she has had some improvement over the last day or two. It has been slow improvement but it is improvement and I am thankful for that.

We also are getting the room at the Ronald McDonald house so I and Tash when she is released from the hospital can stay until we are able to bring Nadia home. I am checking in there tonight after I leave work. I am also running to the Social Security office to take care of Nadia's SSI benefits. She was born under a certain weight and that qualifies her for some coverage. I did not see Nadia or Tash yesterday as I decided to go home and pack our gear for our temporary home.

I believe this should bring everyone up to speed for now and I am sure I will post regularly.