Hernia or not?

A second doctor saw Nadia yesterday and said they did not see anything. Moving on to Dr. Cohen who is a specialist and we are hoping he will take a look at Nadia today.

She is mowing down bottles now. Nine days ago they started her at one bottle and it is now three a day. Nadia is throwing them back with ease so we think they will keep increasing them fairly quickly with the goal being eight per day.

Tash is improving day by day and she is planning her return to work next week. It is exciting as she loves her job and the people she works with. They are great people to be around.

I have to write a five page outline for a paper tonight. The problem is I am struggling to decide on a topic. I have written papers on prematurity, gay rights, and my own ethnic background this semester. I have one last paper and I need to write about a social problem. For example, slavery, poverty, wealth discrepancy, etc... Tash suggested illegal immigration which is intriguing and very broad.

Although many people believe illegal immigrants use many of our social programs and I think that is what I am going to write about. I want to find out the truth about illegal immigrants and if they really use social programs and if so how they do this.

The truth will be told tonight as I have to put this outline together and hand it in tomorrow.

Hernia but it doesn't hurt.....

We found out that Nadia has a hernia today and the doctor would prefer to fix it before she is released. The doctor said the baby has no pain and that it is a quick procedure.

Good news is they found it before it caused any pain.

Two bottles better than one.....

Wow.... I stained our mahogany dresser this weekend and put on two coats of clear coat. It was a project that we had undertaken a while back. We sanded the dresser a long time ago and crunch time for the preparation of Nadia's homecoming has pushed all projects to the forefront.

I also patched all the nail holes for the molding and caulked the gaps. Now I just need to spend one hour with some touch up painting and our room is complete!!!!

We also assembled a crib but we were missing the L-brackets that hold the dangerous drop side . Thanks to Doreen and Rich for the beautiful crib and all the love you are sending our way as well! Rich located the brackets for the crib and Tash and Doreen will coordinate the transfer of them shortly.

For those that are interested, Tash is registered at myregistry.com. We are also going to have a meet the baby party next year sometime. Any help you wish to provide is greatly appreciated. And she has a shower on December 10th. Let me know if you are interested in that as well and I can have the information sent to you.

Nadia weighed in at 1,457 grams yesterday. She is now double her birth weight of 727 grams. She is now being fed by bottle twice per day and I am pretty sure that is going to rapidly increase as she is mowing through bottles with relative ease now. Tash has fed her by bottle on a few occasions now but I have yet to undergo this task. I look forward to it soon.

Busy week ahead as I have school and I am also in the city on Friday for some business. International business mind you as I am meeting with a potential new client who is flying in from the UK on Thursday. Very exciting indeed.

Thankful.... yes, I would agree with that...

Well, I was very bitter for most of this year or at least when it came to not being to help my wife.

However, what has happened has made more thankful and stronger than I ever have been. First off, medical science is amazing. I am in great gratitude to the nurses and doctors who have worked with my wife and my daughter to enable them to become and stay healthy. Second, Patrick Bouvier Kennedy needs to be thanked because without his death after two days of being born it is likely that awareness and research regarding premature babies would not have advanced as far as it has in my opinion.

I hate not having our daughter home but know it is just a matter of weighting. Corny pun completely intended. I am very thankful she is healthy and continues to grow. I promise as a future social worker that I will not give her princess syndrome and I am thankful for learning about that.

Beside being thankful for Tash and Nadezhda my family has really supported me and us during this year. The Bodamers, Thatchers, Steenlands, Gabriels and Panebeancos have supported us greatly and I am extremely thankful for having all of you in our lives.

Tomorrow we will be relaxing with my in-laws at our home in North Hanover (the farm). We have a turkey ready to go and a lot of other foods to enjoy as well. I would never be able to express my gratitude enough towards my in-laws for their support and help. Having someone there whenever you need them is a great stress reliever. Without their support I might be in a mental hospital.

I am thankful to the men who I rely on in my life as a channel for support when I need to vent or talk. Dennis, Jesse, UJ, John, DeCarlo, Ezeev.... the list goes on and on as I have conversations with men I have known for many years.

Lastly, I am thankful to myself for getting a bachelor's degree this year and beginning my masters. For my acceptance to their MSW program I am thankful to Rutgers for recognizing my greatness and potential as a future social worker. School excites and inspires me and I love attending Rutgers and discussing the issues of society with my classmates.

I am always questioned about which holidays I celebrate which I politely decline to answer in most situations when I am sober. What I do believe in is humanity and the closeness of family during this time of year. I enjoy seeing my family and friends and I enjoy it even more with some wine.

Family is an important treasure that many take for granted or even shun. It is our family that molds our values and beliefs. I am thankful to my family for helping me throughout my times of need and I only hope that I have been supportive in their times of need.

One down one to go.....

Tash is leaving the hospital today! She has improved greatly with the drug she is taking and we are hopeful her condition will continue to improve. She found out this morning she is being released this afternoon after being the in the hospital for over two weeks.

Nadia was fed by bottle for the first time yesterday and they are going to continue bottle feeding once a day and increase it when they can. She weighed 1,288 grams yesterday night and there are some rumors about when she is coming home. However, I will leave those rumors alone and just wait until she is in our car and we bring her home for the first time.

We are really looking forward to a quiet holiday this week. I am picking up our turkey tonight and going to finish up the floor molding in our room tonight. Then we just need to install the radiator for heat and move all of the furniture into the room as we we will be done with the room for now. I am looking forward to sleeping in our bed for the first time in a very long time.

A boost and visitors....

Nadia weighed 1,142 grams yesterday and she continues to grow. She has now moved to "special Status." Not exactly sure what that means but she now has a pediatricians and is no longer in need of the neonatologist.

They want her to grow at about 200 grams per week so they have increased her fat intake with her meals.

She is healthy and just needs to grow. And regulate her own body temperature which she will do once she is a certain weight. We are hoping to bottle feed her in a few weeks or about 300 grams.

Tash has had some improvement and we are hopeful that she continues to improve and become healthier.

Nadia and Tash had a whopping four visitors yesterday as Aunt Margie, Aletia, UJ, and Karel all came for a visit to meet Nadia for the first time.

Off to school tonight and then off for a week. However, my one professor assigned a 5 page outline for a final project and that is due the week after T-day.

I am not exactly sure what we are doing for the holiday next week but it will be at home. Hopefully, Tash will be feeling well enough to celebrate a little.

The weekend....

Nadia closed out the week with her highest weight gain in the span of a week yet. She gained 170 grams since last Sunday. She continues to grow and cry and we are thankful for that.

Tash is going for a procedure today and we are hopeful that she will start a regimen of Remicade this week. Of course we are also hope that the new medicine will work and give her some relief.

Living in the Ronald McDonald house has brought many things to light for me. One, it seems many people go through some pretty rough stuff so it is comforting to know we are not alone. Two, I met a man yesterday who has Crohn's Disease and his last child also was in the NICU for 11 weeks as their child was born 12 weeks early. He was in the hospital every two months with flare ups and he had one when his child was in the NICU.

Later in the day I wound up speaking with his wife and she said it got to the point where it was laughable as she would go downstairs to see her husband and then upstairs to see their baby. Just when you think you are alone you meet people who have gone through pretty much exactly what you are going through. I find strength when I can relate to someone as their words tend to mean a lot more to me.

The good news for this man was that his doctor's chose to put him on Remicade two years ago and he has not had a flare up since. We are hopeful that Tash will get the same results.

With that update I need to wrap up my literature review tonight and then write a small 4-6 page paper and possibly do some reading as well.

Oh.... on Friday we had dinner at the hospital as I went to Sawa and picked up some sushi. IT was not the worst place I have ever been but it is the second worst. Kicki's in Matawan is another place to avoid.

Straight is good?

This has been a quiet weekend, as I had to write a literature review. I wound up with 11 pages of literary excellence and I believe I have uncovered one of the major issues in our society regarding the oppression of the gay and lesbian community.

Whether we like it or not our society loves to give us subliminal messages, which mold our way of thinking. Fro example, black is a bad thing or evil and dark and white is good. Finding this hard to beehive? Back in the 1940's there was a doll test and it was repeated recently. African American and Caucasian children were asked to pick which doll was good and they were given a black and white doll to choose from. Most children will choose the white doll when asked to pick the good doll and the black one when asked to pick the evil or bad one. How can innocent children do this? Bad parenting could be one reason but if you choose to really dig deeper you will find a societal machine, which causes children to think this way. It is in the school system, government, and many other areas of our society.

http://www.womanist-musings.com/2008/05/doll-test-white-good-and-black-bad.html

What I came up with in my literature review was the idea of straight being the right way or the norm. Following the straight and narrow path means the way of proper and honest behavior. I do not believe the term straight should have ever become the word to be used to describe heterosexuals. It is a put down of other sexual orientations. Of course most heterosexual people do not have an issue with it because they are not being put down.

Is straight is good and pure does that make being gay or lesbian crooked?

It might seems as if I would be making something out of nothing but there is no greater example of the societal machine than the doll test. Pure innocent children know black is bad and evil and white is good. On softball teams I have played on throughout my years there has always been a lot of busting chops and poking fun at one another. One of the most common knocks is to say a man is gay. It is a put down that most everyone laughs at. The use of the word "fag" or "faggot" is prevalent and it is used to jokingly question a heterosexual man's manhood. There is an assumption with this mindset that gay men do no thane manhood but rather something else.

I wrote an 11 page literary review regarding this, as I believe the education of children is the only thing that can stop this machine from warping our minds. People should be judged on their character, not their color, sexual orientation, or even political beliefs. If children are associating to be gay or lesion is not straight they must believe it is crooked or not right. This causes gay children to have many issues when they grow, as they also believe that they are wrong and evil because they are not the norm. Our system is raising gay and lesbian children to hate oneself and it also causes many to hide their sexual orientation and some even attempt to live a straight life by marrying someone of the opposite sex.

Tying this into my personal life I am learning how I have never cared about any issues unless they directly affected my life. For example, I never cared about supporting places like the Ronald McDonald house or donating to NICU funds until I myself had to rely on them. When something touches us directly it then becomes an issue we address. For example most people without gay or lesbian people in their direct family do not really care about gay and lesbian rights. As society we need to send subliminal messages of sensitivity and let the children learn what is right and wrong by the people they meet and some of our guidance. Our guidance should not include people are wrong because of their skin color or sexual preference. It should teach children how to judge people by their character and I know my daughter will learn those values from me.

End rant and begin update.... Nadia weighed in at 1,056 grams yesterday and I held her for about two hours. We are now just looking for growth and eventually her brain to regulate her body temperature on its own. I am hopeful of bringing her home by December 20th, which is her real due date.

This will be a big week for Tash as she has had some blood work and will undergo some more testing tomorrow. It is likely that she will receive an immunosuppressant this week and we hope this will resolve her colitis.

I am a lonely man right now as my wife and daughter sit in a hospital. I am handling my schoolwork as best I can but cannot remove either of them from my mind.

As a budding social worker there are various areas I can enter in the field of social work and I want to do them all. Eventually I will have to make a decision.

That is it for now, as I need to proof my literary review, do some reading and write a small paper regarding Blumer's five stages on how a problem becomes a social welfare issue.

Patience....

I have none of it.

I want to speed up time or at least the healing of others and I am powerless.

This weekend I am hoping to write one paper to completion and the first draft of another for school. I am also going home tomorrow to finish up some work on our room. Tomorrow is our wedding anniversary and I am looking forward to celebrating that with Tash and Nadia as well.

I am reading all sorts of stories about people giving birth today. Many have scheduled caesarian sections or plan to be induced today. I am not sure you can be more selfish as a parent but hopefully that is the last selfish thing they do on behalf on their children.

Speaking of corny date things, in Russia Nadia's birthday reads 9-10-11, our anniversary is 11-12 and today is 11-11-11. Amazing.

Nadia weighed 1,026 grams yesterday. Many people have complained or joked about they do not know grams. Let me Google that for you. Obtaining a drug habit is also a good way to become familiar with grams but I do not condone that. She is down 6 grams from Wednesday but it needs to be viewed on a week by week basis and each week she is growing. She looked great without the CPAP and she was sleeping or her belly last night. I know she is my daughter but she is adorable and thankfully getting healthier day by day.

CPAP Be Gone!

Nadia's CPAP (respirator) was removed today at 10:00am and she will no long reed it. It was believed by all the nurses who have taken care of her that she was breathing on her own for a long time and the machine was giving her very little assistance. They removed it today and she is doing great as her oxygen level ranges from 98-100%.

Tash had a rough day but she is slowly improving. On Monday they are going to give her an immunosuppressant and we hope that will bring her better results.

This is my second day alone at the RM house. It kills me to leave the hospital each night with my wife and daughter having to stay behind.

I do not have much battery in my Macbook as my charger is in Allentown so I need to keep this short.

Thank you to everyone who is thinking of us.

The title of the blog and an update as well....

Why the blog?

At the advice of my cousin Jen and my personal view of her past experiences when giving updates over and over it seems best to update everyone who wants to know at one time. To be honest it tends to become depressing for lack of a better word to tell the same story again and again when the news is not so great. Ironically it is probably the first time in my life I am not enjoying the center of attention treatment.

I will be sarcastic, honest, funny, stupid, loving, and caring with my updates. I will release however I need to and you will need to learn how to see sarcasm through the internet in order to not be offended (this was sarcastic and it will be the last time I note my sarcasm).

Why the title?

Well.... I am busy. I know everyone is busy and I was busy before Nadezhda was born as well. Commuting to work and then to the hospital each chance I get has made me more busy. The real reason though actually has some meaning. People keep saying I do not know how you are doing what you are doing right now and the reasons are simple. One, I love my wife and daughter and I need to be steady and strong during this time. Having an outlet to write things I need to say will help me accomplish that.

The second reason is I am fairly busy with school, work, driving, and renovating parts of our home at Tash's parents (which is almost done - some floor molding which is cut and ready to nail is all that is left - Thx to Towsha and Teeest).

The third reason is where the title actually comes from and it is a fortune cookie. I presented a discussion on South Asian Americans last night and hit it out of the park as I knew I would. Of course that has nothing to do with the fortune cookie but it happened and I like to boast about all things me. The second presentation in my class last night was about East Asian Americans by some of my classmates. At the end they handed out fortune cookies. It was 8:40pm and I was starving so I decided to eat it. It reminded me of when I used to enjoy the communion wafers when I was starving on Sunday mornings when I was kid. Any way the fortune read "Idleness is a holiday for fools."

There you have it. I hope it comes across as compelling as it did to me.

On to my first update: Nadezhda weighed 978 grams last night and once she hits 1,000 the doctors are likely going to remove her CPAP. The CPAP is the mechanism that helps premature babies breathe when they are not able to by themselves. There seems to be no doubt by the doctors and nurses of Nadezhda being able to breathe on her own but they have some sort of weight limit and they are holding to it. Luckily for us Tash was able to keep her BP down and kept Nadia in her womb almost until week 30. Nadia is much stronger than most premature babies because of Tash's strength and will to hold on. Tash's doctors expected her to deliver much earlier and we were pleasantly surprised to hear how happy they were about how she held on.

Nadia is currently being fed a combination of breast milk and formula as Tash had to stop pumping due to her own medical condition. She is having a rough bout with her colitis but she has and continues to show how strong of a woman she is. She is actually giving us strength at a time where one would think she would be relying on us. She has been in the hospital since Sunday and it sees she has had some improvement over the last day or two. It has been slow improvement but it is improvement and I am thankful for that.

We also are getting the room at the Ronald McDonald house so I and Tash when she is released from the hospital can stay until we are able to bring Nadia home. I am checking in there tonight after I leave work. I am also running to the Social Security office to take care of Nadia's SSI benefits. She was born under a certain weight and that qualifies her for some coverage. I did not see Nadia or Tash yesterday as I decided to go home and pack our gear for our temporary home.

I believe this should bring everyone up to speed for now and I am sure I will post regularly.